Polar bear searches in vain for ice

The Toronto Star reports that residents of Shamattawa, Manitoba, sighted a polar bear on the edge of town far south of the tree line.  We have learned from Dr. David Suzuki that the bear was apparently confused and wandering.  The famous zoologist stated to the Righteous Investor: “He seems to have been dismayed because of the lack of ice up north, and is searching too far to the south for unmelted ice upon which the species typically hunts for seals.  Then, as he wandered south, the intense Manitoba summer began to give him heat-induced insomnia and insanity.  Over-heated polar bears are dangerous animals and we warn people not to approach the bear and try to pet it.”

This is alarming news, just as many in Canada who drive hybrid vehicles were becoming smug about their reduced carbon footprint.  While it is true that children and others concerned about the environment throughout the world have become sensitized to the plight of the polar bear which often drowns in the Arctic ocean due to the scarcity of ice–the story of Nanooky, the young lost bear far south of his home, is a parable of the dangers of driving cars and turning on electric lamps equipped with the deadly incandescent light bulb–the root causes of global warming.  Suzuki said further, “It is time that people woke up and did something about their personal carbon footprint.  I recommend turning off your lights at night between 8:00 and 8:30; in addition, it could have immense benefits if every 5 minutes people held their breath for 30 seconds.  It is not that long, and most people, even the very young and the elderly, can achieve such a goal with practice.  But imagine the reduction of carbon emissions if a significant percentage of the world’s 6 billion people held their breath for 10% of the time!  It could end up saving the life of a young polar bear like Nanooky.”

Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas which is emitted by cars, electric lights and human beings.  It is toxic to the environment, especially to polar bears.  This is because it traps heat near the surface of the planet like an overcharged electric blanket.  After the polar bears become extinct, humans will be next.  But that would actually be good thing, as then the number of carbon emissions would be greatly reduced and the planet will begin to heal.  But we at the Righteous Investor only regret that the polar bears will probably become extinct first.

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