The AP reports that a hitherto unknown species of bacteria is eating the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. This seems to be a miracle, because the media had propagated the notion, along with Nobel Laureate, Dr. Barack Hussein Obama (who is a Christian not a Muslim!!!), that the Gulf oil spill was the worst environmental disaster of all time (well, at least since the moment he became President). The Righteous Investor has learned, however, the bad news that these oil-eating bacteria are bad for the environment, and the damage done by them after eating the oil is worse than the oil itself. These microbes are reported to emit more carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide–both noxious greenhouse gasses–than all the combined emissions of all the cows in Brasil and the over-populated human population of the entire earth (which numbers currently about 600 trillion people in China alone!!). Who would have thunk that the flatulence of bacteria could be so bad? Anyway, don’t try to deny it, or we will call you Hitler or a Holocaust supporter, or both. Leading scientists are now predicting that the emissions from bacteria eating the BP oil spill will cause the planet to heat up at least 400 degrees Celsius (=10,000 degrees Farenheit) over the next decade to two million years.
I am very, very afraid of hot weather. What will we do? Do you think that the air conditioner will help?
Dear Mr Samwise, Esq.
Please be aware that air conditioners only exacerbate the problem.
I will tell my staff to destroy our air conditioner then. I’m still afraid.