Introducing GIGOLO, a new diet formula for fast weight loss

I am working on a new diet concept that will dispense with the application of the First Law of Thermodynamics and instead focus on the law of Conservation of Matter. Instead of CICO (Calories in Calories out) it will be GIGO (grams in grams out). I will call it the GIGOLO diet, pronounced (Gee, go low!).

Now obviously the Law of Conservation of Matter applies. Not to take it into consideration is actually very unscientific. It is also much easier to measure than CICO: no one can actually measure calories lost in the form of heat and practically no one ever measures the calories in urine and feces.

In my system, you merely have to do what can be easily done: weigh your food, drinks, and your excretions and other loss of mass (urine, sweat, tears, lost blood and feces)–and make sure more goes out than comes in and you will lose weight. I guarantee, or your money back, that you will lose weight.

With GIGOLO there will be no more fussing with:

(1) Inaccurate calorie counting because of bad labeling. You can actually control the grams that you put in your mouth by keeping a personal scale handy, although for hygienic reasons I would recommend a second scale for excretions.

(2) Worry about the calorie density of the item you are eating. In fact, my GIGOLO diet will favour high fat because fat is the least weighty of all foods, except perhaps rice cakes–but personally I do not find air particularly filling.

To be absolutely precise, make sure you collect lost skin (in your bed for example), and hair and nail clippings.